Placebo
by Sylindara
Summary: Nasu hides on the roof and receives comfort from an unexpected source.


AN: I've been feeling really sad about Smash Borders ending, so it seemed the perfect time to polish up this sad fic that I started last year and post it.

It was originally going to end in kisses, because what am I if not a rarepair generator, but it wouldn't have fit. Someday, when I'm in a better mood, I should write that sequel where Konami gets her match with Nasu and there really are kisses at the end.

* * *

The sun was just starting to set as Nasu opened the door that led to the roof of the school. The heavy metal creaked under her hand, rusty with disuse – no one used the roof in a posh girls' school, not in the middle of winter when there were nice, heated classrooms and libraries instead.

Nasu listened to the door clank close quietly behind her and took a deep breath, sinking down until she was sitting with her back resting against the cold wall. Already her breaths came in sharp pants, and she had even taken a rest halfway up those stairs. She stared up into the scarlet-dyed clouds and pushed her hands deep into her uniform pockets; one hand took out the little package she had been careful to keep hidden all day, placing it gently on the ground before her, the other rubbed lightly against her trigger holder.

"Trigger on."

The world twisted and resettled itself as her trion body materialised. Diagnostics ran in the edges of her sight, the radar flickering on then off as it informed her that there were no trion signatures in the area – nothing except the other Border agents still in the school. With classes over for the day, most of them would be on their way to HQ by now – the ones that weren't already there. There was no better time than now.

Nasu reached down for the package on the ground, unwrapping the wrinkled handkerchief and revealing a slightly crumpled cigarette box and a cheap lighter. She had 'borrowed' the two from Suwa a few weeks ago, although he would surely be apoplectic if he found out that it was Nasu who had taken it, instead of forgetting it somewhere like everyone had thought. Despite the sloppy impression he gave, Suwa was dutiful about things like this.

That was why Nasu was here, on the roof of her school after classes had finished. It was her little secret, not the least because she knew no one would approve. But what did approval matter in the long run?

She flicked the lighter on carefully while using the other hand to shake a cigarette out of the box, then watched as the end of the cigarette caught on fire – the red as bright as the sky above her. She brought the cigarette to her mouth and took a breath. Nasu could almost feel the smoke curling down her throat, sharp prickles that burned and brought tears to her eyes as she coughed.

It was all in her head of course, trion bodies didn't have proper lungs to be affected by the cigarette. It was just an automatic reaction to the detection of foreign matter. In her trion body, the cigarette left no mark, so it didn't matter. It was just a placebo.

A distracting placebo, Nasu found, hearing the thump of someone running up the stairs a moment too late. She rubbed out the lit cigarette, but didn't have time to put it back in the box or to hide the whole thing before the door was swinging open.

"Nasu-san!" Konami exclaimed in her schoolgirl persona. "So you _were_ here!"

Nasu looked up to see Konami stop with a jerk, staring down at the incriminating cigarette box and lighter on the ground. That plus the lingering scent of smoke made it all too obvious what was going on here.

"So that's why you're in your trion body," Konami said more quietly, switching to a more familiar tone. Not the words Nasu was expecting from her.

Nasu shrugged. She looked down at the ground, not quite able to meet Konami's gaze. There was a small awkward silence while Nasu was trying to think of something to say, before it was broken by Konami again.

"Is it worth it?" she asked, crouching down - a hand smoothing down her skirt so that it was tucked neatly under her legs as she did so. Konami always was good at looking the part in school, even when it was only the two of them.

"I'm smoking in my trion body," Nasu replied, working to keep the bitterness from her words. "It doesn't mean anything."

"It means something," Konami said quietly, but didn't elaborate. Sometimes Nasu forgot how much longer than everyone else Konami had been in Border, how much more involved she was, then she would say something like that and Nasu would be reminded of the weight of that history she kept so well hidden.

Konami reached forward, scooping up the box of cigarettes and lighter and wrapping it back inside the handkerchief. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, but don't say it doesn't matter because it's a trion body." Her voice was solemn, heavy with something that Nasu didn't want to touch.

"Trion bodies don't affect your real body." This time, Nasu couldn't stop the bitterness.

Konami shook her head. "It doesn't. That's _why_ it matters."

This morning, Nasu had woken up feeling so bad she almost didn't go to school. Despite the reasons behind her enlistment in Border, there had been no real improvement in her health since. Only in her trion body was she free. But all that meant was that in her real body she wasn't free.

It was Konami who looked away this time, standing up with the wrapped package lightly cradled in her hands. "I'll get rid of these. I can always hide them in Boss's belongings."

Nasu watched as Konami opened the door to the roof, preparing to leave. "Wait," she called out. "Thank you."

Konami turned back, making an effort to smile. "No problem. I'll see you at HQ sometime. We should have a match."

Nasu kept watching as the door closed behind her. The cigarette she had snuffed out was still in her hand, hidden at her side. She let it fall to the ground and brought the hand up to her eyes. She'd had all sensation cut off today, so the fist she made with her free hand felt like it was grasping nothing. She tilted her head back, misty eyes staring blindly up at the darkening sky.

Trion bodies were the real placebo. And Nasu didn't know what she would do once it was no longer accessible to her.

* * *

AN: I think if Viza can still run around in trion bodies at 65 then Nasu has nothing to worry about, but the uncertainty makes for a great source of angst.


End file.
